It makes me sad!

I am sad that my dear husband is away from me and so busy, I miss him and wish we could be together but I know that this is were I need to be.

I am sad that people have become more and more sue happy...it is just plain greed...or them trying to help themselves feel less guilt.  Care givers can be sued for a number of things after their charge dies and it worries me and scares me.  Being a care giver is stressful enough!!  Grandma likes her alone time and so do I at times.  I enjoy going to the store and doing errands....getting out of the house for a little while...but....If she was to fall while I was gone I supposedly could get sued by my family.  I can't control grandma and if she gets up while I'm sleeping and she falls could I be sued for that??? or If she gets up and falls while i'm watering plants outside??? It doesn't seem like I can do anything with out the possibility of being sued!  It is not fair that people sue people for such things!!!!  And then people wonder why care givers get burned out!

People keep telling me I'm doing what is right...that I am here and they are not.  Grandma is a dear and precious person and deserves better than what some of her family is treating her.  And if family is going to be nasty  it isn't fair.  Grandma doesn't have wealth or a lot of valuable things to the rest of the world--her time here is limited and a lot of her family is missing it.  Grandma still has good alert times where she able to remissness about her past and for those who will listen to learn from her side.

Well here I go ranting and raving.  I do live a blessed life...some how my husband and I are making do even though our income is very low and our budget is operating at a loss.  I am getting to spend time with my grandma who will not be here forever.  Technology makes it possible for me to see and talk to my husband daily (thank-you Skype)!  Traveling is easier and faster than it was many years ago....it use to take three hours to go to Moscow now it is two hours and ten minutes (and that is even by going the speed limit).  I am blessed with a husband and in-laws who love me, plus what family I am close too.  Things could be much worse...I am not yet like Job.  Unlike Job I have to complain and vent!

Another Week!

Well we are in the middle of another week.  Robert is in Moscow going to school and to work, I'm taking care of grandma and trying to get things cleaned up, and grandma is well...grandma.  She still got up several times during the night even though I tried to help her stay awake during the day...we try limiting water intake after 5pm...nothing seems to help her sleep through the night.  Oh well...I blame the bed, it is one of those that promotes circulation.  Grandma is worried about Robert and I being together...which would be nice...but I think we are doing fine.  There is technology (web cams, Skype, phones, etc.) which is helping us not to miss each other too much.  Robert and I have a long life in front of us, but we don't know how long grandma is going to be on this earth.  It is another week of caregiving!

Hanging on!

Well Robert has left for school and work...it is a little easier this time so far.  Technology is making it easier...we were on Skype for an hour reading a book together...so we can talk and see each other...I miss his hugs and kisses but I can hang on easier until I am in his arms again thanks to technology.

Grandma is okay she woke up confused from napping...doesn't know what time of day it is, or which day for that matter.  Other than that she is hanging on!

No Rest for the weary!

Last night grandma and I did not have a good nights sleep, and I am really feeling it.  I feel frustrated with almost everything, I feel picked on, and I simply feel exhausted.  Robert doesn't know when he'll be able to come or for how long.  I was informed that I take too long of showers...at least I shower....and why does it matter!  I have simply been grumpy...I blame lack of sleep and missing my husband!  I just want to curl up take a nap...watch "Mary Poppins" (songs from it are stuck in my head), and read a book with my husband....not at the same time of course ;-)  Well I feel better after ranting to the world--Thanks everyone!

Six hours!

Last night grandma and I had a good six hours of sleep.  I feel so much better...I even did the HUGE stack of dishes and started laundry!  It is amazing how a good six hours of sleep can make you feel.  Things including emotions are so much easier to deal with when I've had a good nights sleep.

Rough Times!

We had a rough night last night...lack of sleep is starting to get to me.  Grandma had to get up several times, I almost slept walked into the tub (kind of funny), and grandma said she feels like she won't be here much longer.  Grandma feels like she is doing better today though.

I am worried for her....I don't know if she truly feels ready to move on.  I am worried how my family will react and treat me when all is said and done.

I am just having a rough day! I miss my husband!

Caregiving!

Today I have been married for ten wonderful months!  My dear husband is at work and getting ready for school to start at the University of Idaho.  I on the other hand I am in the beautiful Sandpoint area taking care of my grandmother.

I love my grandmother very much, and I know I am suppose to be here taking care of her.  But things are so quiet here without my husband and I miss him.  Grandma pretty much sleeps all the time leaving me in the quiet house wondering what I should do next...and doing my best to avoid it.  There is so much that can be done it is a bit overwhelming at times.  Grandma sleeps and I try not to make much noise..other wise she opens her eyes and looks at me funny.

My grandma is a willful woman who has a hard time letting people help her.  She has been told that someone should get up and walk with her when she does...but she doesn't listen.  She feels bad waking me up to help her at night, which is part of the reason  I am here.  I told her today she is going to get me in trouble especially if she falls, but what can you do with a willful person such as her!

Oh the woe's of caregiving!